The Ghost of You Lingers
by Miss Anne Thropy
Summary: AU: Tonks had been a mentor to Cedric Diggory and much more. But when things end on a bad note between them, Tonks tried to move on and bury the past. Except that Cedric refuses to let it be and Tonks is faced with living with her ghosts.


_Disclaimers-JKR/Bloomsbury/WB et al own the characters. I'm just borrowing them for amusement. No money is being made from this. _

The Ghost of You Lingers

She folded the letter in half and tossed it on her desk with more force than she had intended. She wasn't really angry with Cedric. After all, he was how much younger than her? Of course he was going to be flighty. He was, after all, only eighteen. And no one said that eighteen-year-old boys were the most mature and responsible adults around.

She sighed and rubbed her eyes. Tonks had told herself before that she wasn't going to waste any more time on him. After all, she had her work, and her own needs to take care of. But Cedric seemed to have this habit of knowing when she had stopped thinking about him and his letters would then appear. Letters that were short, not really telling her much of anything, but containing such carefully chosen words that often times had Tonks daydreaming about him for days on end after she had received one.

Always, he ended his letters with the most dangerous words in the English language: "I love you." She found herself defenceless in their wake, and when she remembered the first time that he had ever said them to her, she had no desire to close that room of her past.

It had been a foolish mistake on her part, getting too close to such young recruits. She was supposed to work with them, train them and then send them to the field. Nothing more. But with Cedric, things had been different.

He was smart and had a sense of humour that too many people didn't suspect he was capable of possessing. He was diligent and was always on time and willing to learn his work. He was also very well read and could converse on any topic under the sun. He was also a good listener and a good friend.

In short, Cedric was everything that she had been looking for all those lonely months at the training facility and hadn't been able to find. They bonded, perhaps all too well and that, in turn, led to the most turbulent, but fulfilling relationships she ever had.

It hadn't ended well, of course. And from time to time, she still smarted strongly over how things had concluded. Her friends had told her to forget him. To close that door and move on with her life, especially since she was now free from training and in her regular old job now that the war was over and done. She had agreed with them. But yet…

Even when she was honest with herself, she simply couldn't say good-bye to Cedric. He symbolized an innocence that she had lost so long ago. Innocence so pure and chaste that it would sometimes make her cry when she thought about it. An innocence that had given way to a tender maturity that had given him an even deeper shading of strength to his character. She would think, in her cold and lonely nights, how he would look after a night of furtive love-making: dishevelled, with those dark grey eyes candid and clear with no secrets behind them as he lay beside her with his head pillowed on her breasts.

But there were too many things between them now. Tonks hadn't even seen him since he had departed last February. And it was now getting close to being the middle of October. He hadn't even bothered to say good-bye then. He had only left cold bitterness in his wake. A bitterness that had shocked her so profoundly that she was still reeling from the after-effects even at the present day.

She had cried over his departure. Harsh, bitter and choking tears that had more often than not left her gasping in pain from the strain of them. Tears that had felt as if they were never going to stop ever again. He hadn't had the decency to explain anything at that time. Only that he didn't want her near him anymore. That his father had warned him away from her, since she was older and her position could hurt his own chances at the ministry.

She accepted it all when Cedric told her these things, with his face turned away from her while she smoked those black cigarettes. She only nodded, asked a few things and despite wanting to keep him near, she knew that it would push him away. So she forced herself to let him go, despite the protest her entire being made.

She had cried. She had self-destructed with too much alcohol and too many late nights out and too much weeping. But after the tempest was over, she was still left standing. Yes, she was a little more bruised, a little more fragile, maybe a bit more cynical, but she was going to be fine.

Then the first letter arrived. She was going to throw it out unopened, but the old longings and memories overwhelmed her and she read it all.

After she was done crying, over the apologies he had written, and the endearments and the news of his different life, she had written back.

Tonks had only meant for it to be a one-off letter. The kind that people write so that their old flames knows where both of you stand in the aftermath of a messy break-up. But Cedric hadn't taken it as such.

No. Despite the way he had left, he still wanted Tonks. Loved her and didn't want to let her go. But there were obstacles that Cedric wasn't willing to cross and things that Tonks simply couldn't do.

So there was still distance between them. And the letters still kept on coming, making Tonks wonder if it was really love that kept them bound to each other. Or if it was something more mundane and pathetic that was the glue between them.

Tonks never got past that. She didn't want to scratch at that scar. Not when she knew it was still fresh under the surface. Not when she had nothing else to take its place.

She knew that she should get out and meet someone else that was better. Someone that wouldn't keep her waiting and wanting like Cedric was doing.

But could she even find someone else? Was anyone even remotely close like that out there?

She shook her head and reached for a quill and a parchment. She simply was too tired and cowardly to find out. And at least there were memories between them. She would take that small and cold comfort at least.

End.


End file.
